Who Gets The Vibrator

I have been single four years. I was in my early twenties the last time I was
single. Now, I'm in my late thirties. There are endless differences between
early twenties me and late thirties me. The world has changed too. I was busy
working, surviving a difficult marriage, raising my two children. Then, suddenly
something like the big bang theory happened to my life and I was shocked to find
myself alone with two children trying to figure out my place in the world again.
Emerging as a an independent single mother of two fabulous people. I thought it
seemed fit that I might date again and find someone I might click with and spend
the second half of my life. It seemed a simple enough idea, project last love I
called it. Unprepared is the word that best describes my emergence as a singleton
to the fast moving, internet, hook-up age kind of hell. I've been on dates
suffered through the woman's role of having to be sexy and intensely interested
in my date hanging on their every word. Bored to the very core of my being. 
Watching the other couples in the restaurant wondering does it really work the
idea of 'the one'. My finding's are inconclusive.

Wanting a committed relationship I bought a vibrator, a purple one, you can buy 
them on Amazon, they post them to you discreetly. Oh, such a hassle free 
relationship. I can honestly say we are in a happy love with a complete 
understanding of each other's expectations and indeed short comings. I wonder
if my mother had given me a vibrator for my 18th birthday would I have ever
gotten married. 

It did occur to me that should I die unexpectedly and my things were to be 
gone through and disposed of as does callously happen to the dead my purple
clandestine affair would be discovered. Most likely by my children. The thought
of them thinking I am anything other than a saintly mother weighed on my mind.
So, I decided I would tell a close friend in order to have it removed without
detection.

I said, 'my vibrator is in a box under my bed by the headboard, will you get
rid of it if I die first?'
My friend laughed, 'of course, mine is upstairs in the bottom of the wardrobe.'
I said, 'but you have a husband?'
My friend said, 'sure, he wouldn't have a clue.'


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