Neighbor’s Dog Shit OMG

I came home today only to find a neatly packaged bag of dog shit placed inside 
my front porch. No note to tell me who left me such a nice package or indication
of where it might have come from. I have my suspicions which neighbor it was but
I suppose if I write it here it somehow works out as an accusation. Even though
the offending neighbor did leave dog shit neatly packaged inside my front porch.
My hunch is that the dog shit present was given to me by the same neighbor that
accused me of having barking dogs years ago even though said neighbor had dogs
that did not bark. I guess now I have a shitting dog which said neighbor resents
because clearly said neighbor's dogs not only do not bark but also do not shit.

Okay, so let us dissect this clearly passive aggressive behavior. The issue of
my dog shitting has clearly been bothering said neighbor for sometime and
instead of talking to me about it the said neighbor decided it was better to leave
a neatly wrapped present of dog shit on my front porch. Interesting behavior
for an adult in charge of teaching children right from wrong. So, now we are in
a situation where I know that said neighbor put dog shit on my front porch but
I cannot go over to said neighbor's house and ask, 'is this your bag of dog shit?'
Because then it just gets weird. Said neighbor is probably going to say no. 
And I am going to look idiotic standing on said neighbor's door step with a bag
of dog shit.

So, in 2016, yes 2016, I am lucky enough to have a neighbor petty enough to 
put dog shit on my front porch. Now, said neighbor did wrap it up neatly. I
wonder to myself is said neighbor watching world news? The Syrian Civil War
that has been going on since 2011 seems a higher priority than putting dog
shit on my front porch. Donald Trump being elected President of United States
of America is a terrifying prospect that seems more important than putting
dog shit on my front porch. ISIS scares me to my very being and seems more
important than putting dog shit on my front porch. The situation with racism
is not improving and seems a more important issue than putting dog shit on
my front porch. Children sleeping on the streets or not having a dinner seems
more important than putting dog shit on my front porch.

This is one of those life situations where you literally just keep the shit
and keep on going. My only other option is to knock on said neighbor's door
and say, 'hey, is this your dog shit? I think you need some therapy.'
Advertisements

2 Comments

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s